clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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