Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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