so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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