Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
