He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
