I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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