Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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