The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
