help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
