Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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