I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
