Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
