I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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