You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
