Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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