I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and Iβm great with hard things ;-)
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