I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
