You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
