i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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