We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
