Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
