White coat. Heels.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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