This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
