she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
