My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
