My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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