..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
