Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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