So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just high enough for therapy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
