just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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