well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
