I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
