I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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