i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
