my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
