someone threw a dead crab at me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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