Betty ford says i'm here all night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
