apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
