First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
