Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
