Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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