Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
