I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
