dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
