Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
