so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
