My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
