This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
