You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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