Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
