I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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