He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
