im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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