Kiss
Puke
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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