I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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