Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
