Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
