i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
