Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
