shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
