Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
