Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
