you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
